Tried a different outing today. Walmart. I was nervous. But, i refuse to let him lock himself up in this house around the clock. Honestly, i've worked TOO HARD over the past 16 years making sure he had the tools he needs to function in public. He used to really enjoy it. It seems like in a blink of an eye, a shell was placed on top of him.
We arrive, and I see the anxiety immediately. Of course, with it being Valentine's Day, they have every stuffed animal and mylar balloon right when you enter the doors. (he HATES them both!)
We turn our head and keep moving. We're sticking to the list. Even if we only get 2 things on the list, we're going do this. 5 minutes into this, i realize, my list is too long. Oh well. Stimming stimming stimming. He usually loves my lists. We know the whole layout of the store by heart. He can't focus. He's wandering away. He never does that without telling me. The eye contact is gone. He's walking with his head pointed to the floor. He's obsessing with his peripheral vision. I know this is because he's over stimulated. I ask if he's ready to go and he says no. Ok. I'm just watching. I let him take 10 minutes in the Electronics. That seems to be what calms him. He gets so excited looking at all of the games, it takes his mind off of everything else. Now, we're better.
We hit the other side, and get out of there. I just grabbed the necessities. I am so happy he's holding it together. I see him working really hard at it. We got out perfectly. He is rewarded with his Valentine's Day blizzard. Then home, for a nap.
Yes, I said nap. We're down to 1 nap a day now. The meds have been taking their toll on him. He's sleeping 10-12 hours a night with at least 1 nape a day for 1 -2 hrs. His demeanor is different. His personality is.. not the same. Every once in a while, he'll pop his funny little head out but.. for the most part.. he's quiet, to himself and disinterested in anything. 10 more days till we get to the neurologist.
Tonight, I got to share in some excitement that we haven't seen in quite a while. A couple of months ago, all of the things he loves to do and watch, he's stopped doing/watching one by one. He stopped Jeopardy/Wheel of Fortune some time ago. But, Ken Jennings is on! Yes, you heard that right. Tommy's all-time favorite #1 person (next to Alex Trebec and Conan). We watched Wheel just to pass the time waiting for Jeopardy. He actually engaged. Guessing letters and solving puzzles. He was just beside himself seeing Ken. I was beside myself seeing Tommy.
I'm not sure what's going on inside that head of his. I'm not even sure the doctor's are going to be able to tell me anything. I refuse to give up. Tomorrow is a new day. I'm thinking, Bed Bath and Beyond. We shall see.